


Who Are You?

by Farquad



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Crack, Detention, Fluff, Friendship, Gay Jokes, Gryffindor, Harry is 14, Humor, Jokes, Levi is 34, M/M, Marauders, POV Harry Potter, Romance, Slytherin, Some kissing, Taekook hell, Time Travel, back to the future - Freeform, characters being themselves, det va ron, don't give namjoon a wand, draco tries to woo harry by insulting him, eren yeager is sassy, everyone hates snivellus, he scares the others, he'll make something explode, i love them they're my everything remus my bby, it's 1994, it's not working very well, jin in thankful, levi is the oldest, malfoy is a brat, mostly tomfoolery, potion's classroom, really gay, ron is straight, vem va det som möka, wormtail jokes, yes i had to include some wolfstar, yoongi is 24
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-07 22:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14680878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Farquad/pseuds/Farquad
Summary: Harry gets detention at Snape's and is trailed after by Malfoy who just can't keep his mouth shut. They start bickering but are interrupted when two Asian gay boys named Kookie and Tae stumbles out of the Potion's classroom hand in hand.Harry, Malfoy, Kookie and Tae hides from Snape when they spot him at the end of the corridor, and then all of these random people appears in Snape's office from nowhere.Who are these people and where did they come from?Will Harry be able to shut Malfoy up once and for all?And why is Malfoy winking at Harry all the time…?----------Harry Potter POV Drarry, Taekook, Ereri, Sope, Wolfstar crack-fic!





	1. Rivals

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Boromir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boromir/gifts).



> This started as a b-day gift to Borr with all of her OTP's, but then I squeezed some of my OTP's into this as well huehuehue 
> 
> Uploading it since I want the PDF-file to hand her on the B-day with a capital B
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, sadly, huhu, or snk, or bts ofc. English is not my first language, and I have never written for Drarry or Ereri before.  
> This is a joke. Don't take it Sirius. (See what I did there? ;)
> 
> I had really fun writing this!! Hope you will like it Borr! And if anyone else is reading this as well, hope you will find it funny!<333♥♥♥

"Out of my way, _Potter_."

Harry had just the time to look up from the books in his hands before he felt himself roughly get pushed into the wall.

"Ow," Harry groaned out in pain, wondering who'd pushed him when he saw Malfoy walk past him with his gang of hooligans.

Of course.

"Malfoy." Harry said through gritted teeth. What was he doing here in the corridor this close to curfew?

"You should be more careful next time." Malfoy said haughtily, raising his chin in the air. Behind him Crabbe and Goyle broadened their shoulders which made Harry think of gorillas. He wondered when the sorting had started allowing animals into Hogwarts.

"I was just standing here?" Harry spoke back, rubbing his elbow that he'd scraped against the wall even through the fabric of his robe. He glared at Malfoy, wanted him to get hurt as well but knew picking a fight would only end him up in trouble. They were three against one after all.

"What? What's that? You want me to reduce points from Gryffindor on your behalf?" Malfoy sang, blinking innocently. Crabbe and Goyle laughed behind him. Harry felt his blood start boiling.

"You can't do that. You're not a prefect."

"Oh, _boohoo_. We'll see about that." Malfoy said confidently.

Harry gripped his wand in his robe pocket, but Malfoy was quicker. He had his wand out already, Crabbe and Goyle beside him too.

"Up for a duel, Potter?" Malfoy drawled.

Harry opened his mouth to bit back, cast a hex at him before he had time to change his mind, but then he heard approaching footsteps from the corridor around them and had just enough self-control not to lash out and hex Malfoy right then and there.

"Well, well. If it isn't Mister Potter." The approaching person muttered with his sleazy voice. Harry felt a mix of hate, disgust and anger flare up in his chest at that voice.

Snape.

"Professor." Harry greeted him through gritted teeth this time. He felt his hand start jerking in its eager to hex both him, Malfoy and the gorillas.

"Professor Snape!" Malfoy greeted properly, practically glowing with delight.

"Malfoy." Snape told him back and Harry suppressed the urgent need to throw up when he saw how greasy Snape's hair was today. His face was tinted in a weird shade of yellow and his nose was crooked. Yuck.

Harry scolded his facial expression to normal when Snape darted his very-yucky eyes to him.

"What is our tribute doing here loitering around in the corridors on a Wednesday? Are you not going to save anyone today?" Snape asked with a haughty tone to it.

Harry clenched his jaw and refrained from lashing out at Snape. Next to him Malfoy snickered. Snape's eyes got a certain glow in them that they always did when he humiliated Harry. Harry hated it.

"No, I was just heading back from the library." Harry explained as politely as he could, without hexing Snape's hair gold and crimson or anything. He was impressed with himself.

He started smiling some, and couldn't wait to run back to Gryffindor tower to talk shit about Snape for hours with Ron.

Snape didn't have any of Harry's politeness. He narrowed his eyes at him.

"Ten points from Gryffindor." He announced.

Harry startled. "What?"

"Another ten points for language." Snape told him with a snarl.

Malfoy was still snickering into his hand and looked like he did when he and his gang used to steal candy from first years for fun. Harry wondered what was so funny when he got it. He'd forgotten to call Snape sir again. Damn it.

Though, it wasn't that odd, Harry thought. He despised Snape and would rather call little Collin Creevey sir over him. Or Peter Pettigrew. And he was a rat. Literally.

Harry met Snape's eyes and pressed his lips into a thin line, wondering how to best fix this slip up as he told himself to calm down repeatedly in his head. Then Malfoy suddenly stopped snickering and straightened his posture.

"Professor Snape? Potter here just attacked me…!"

Harry startled. Again.

"What? No I didn't?" He tried to defend himself.

"Let Malfoy speak Potter or I'll reduce another ten points from Gryffindor." Snape warned Harry who gripped his wand in his pocket again. Merlin. Harry was really riled up now. This was just so unfair.

"I was about to walk past him in the corridor here but then he suddenly attacked me just like that, _sir_." Malfoy lied, earning him a death glare from Harry who heard the little Hermione on his shoulder tell him it wasn't worth it. The Ron on his other shoulder sounded more tempting. He urged Harry to raise his fist and hit Malfoy hard. Preferably on his nose.

"I see." Snape said, nodding slowly, his tone calculating, not bothering asking Harry whether it was true or not. Harry felt like he should've expected that.

"Potter, detention after supper in the Potion's classroom." Snape told Harry who raised his eyebrows in shock.

What?

But he hadn't done anything!

Harry nodded and felt his entire face flare red from suppressed fury. He watched as Snape bid Malfoy and the gorillas goodbye before he left them in the corridor.

"Watch it next time, Potter." Malfoy warned Harry, taking a step closer. Harry fought the urge to take a step back and met Malfoy's determined gaze.

"Have fun cleaning cauldrons until midnight." Malfoy whispered before he started walking away, Crabbe and Goyle waddling after him. Malfoy looked at Harry over his shoulder and winked at him before he turned the corner.

Wait. Winked?

Harry stared after him, blinked in confusion, scratched his head in thought.

Bloody hell!?


	2. Who Are You?

Seven hours later Harry found himself reluctantly stomping his way to the Slytherin dungeons.

He'd spent the entirety of the day postponing his growing pile of homework and essays, and especially McGonagall's Transfigurations essay that was due tomorrow morning. Instead he'd talked shit about Snape with Ron for hours. During supper Hermione had sighed and told them to stop holding a grudge for Snape as they both alternated between giving Snape the stink eye at the head table and waving at Hagrid that sat next to him.

Harry had only stopped giving Snape the stink eye when Headmaster Dumbledore had shot him a knowing smile and Professor McGonagall had flashed him a stern look that made his gaze drop to his plate instantly.

Harry reached the door leading into the Potion's classroom and ultimately to Snape's office inside and stopped to take a much needed steadying breath. He lifted a hand to the door and knocked three times, already making a face in anticipation of having to face Snape's ugly face again, hear him breathe and talk to him during the detention.

Harry would rather perform another task in the Triwizard tournament than have to see Snape again. In fact, he never wanted to see Snape again. He despised him.

Harry felt his blood start boiling again. He pushed his glasses further up his nose as a way to try and distract himself while he waited for Snape to open the door.

"Seriously?" Harry muttered to himself as he'd knocked six more times on the door. Was Snape making him stand out here in the cold hallway for a laugh? Or to be able to scold him for having arrived late when he finally opened the door?

Harry crossed his arms and frowned at the door. The door was old, ugly and rotten. Just like Snape.

Harry hoped they would get another potion's teacher already. He wished that Potion's had been the cursed subject instead of Defence Against the Dark Arts.

Or wait, scrape that. Mad Eye Moody was really weird. Harry couldn't wait to exchange him with someone else next year. Preferably back to Professor Lupin, even though he got fired, because Harry knew he didn't quit since he wanted to.

Speaking of Lupin...

Harry dug his hand in his pocket and felt the parchment there. He carried the Marauders Map and the invisibility cloak with him today to be on the safe wise with all strange things going around, but now he wondered if he should've left them at the dorm. What if Snape confiscated them?

Harry briefly wondered if he could hide under the cloak and go back to Gryffindor Tower unnoticed before Snape opened the door for him. Perhaps Snape had forgotten about Harry's detention?

"Watch it, Potter."

Before he had time to react, Harry felt himself get roughly pushed into the door in front of him. He wasted no time and gripped his wand, raised it as he spun around.

Malfoy.

"What are you doing here Malfoy? Came to fuss around for Snape?"

Malfoy smirked. "I should lower that wand if I were you." He motioned for Harry's raised wand that was pointing him in the chest.

As if Harry would do that.

"What do you want?" Harry asked, worriedly darting his eyes to the door behind him. He hoped Snape wouldn't open it now when he had his wand aimed at Malfoy.

"I came here to deliver a message." Malfoy explained.

"Uh, what?"

What message?

"It goes like this," Malfoy started, clearing his throat just for show, still smirking. Harry wanted to wipe that smirk off his face. What was so funny?

"Potter stinks, Diggory wins!" Malfoy sang before he laughed haughtily.

Harry lashed out and cast the first spell that slipped from his lips.

"Stupefy!"

Afterwards Harry thought that casting that spell in particular had been a rather bad choice. Mainly because Malfoy wasn't holding his wand to defend himself, but mostly because Malfoy jumped to the side at the last moment and made the spell hit Pansy Parkinson in the chest as she suddenly stepped into the corridor behind them.

"Potter! What did you do?" Malfoy shrieked dramatically, pointing at Pansy that lay unconscious on the floor behind them.

Harry mentally groaned. Snape would probably open the door any second now, and he had to be blind not to see Parkinson lay on the floor over there.

"Wait until Professor Snape hears about this...!" Malfoy said viciously before he brushed past Harry to knock on the door with hurry.

"Professor Snape! Professor! Potter is here now!"

Harry quickly pocketed his wand, stared at the door with worry settling in the pit of his stomach. He thought he could hear noises come from the other side of the door. He felt his heart sink. Snape would probably reduce 100 points from Gryffindor now, forbid Harry from attending the Yule ball _and_ take Ron's wand from him. Just because. Ron wasn't here right now, but anyway, Harry hoped that Ron would be able to forgive him.

Harry heard the lock turn. He also heard the Hermione and Ron on his shoulders start bickering with each other, argue whether he should calmly agree to whatever Snape would tell him or if he should hex him good like he deserves.

"You're going to regret this Potter." Malfoy stated with a smile. He looked proud and that made Harry want to take his Firebolt hit Malfoy with it.

It sounded like Snape was struggling with the lock. Harry wondered why he didn't just open it with his wand like any other wizard.

When he felt something clasp around his arm he looked down. It was Malfoy's hand.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked, trying to shake Malfoy's hand off him.

"I'm not letting you escape." Malfoy told him. "I have to make sure that Pansy gets the revenge she deserves."

Harry looked past Malfoy at Parkinson that still lay on the floor over there.

"Why don't you just resurrect her yourself or bring her to Madame Pomfrey?" Harry asked.

Malfoy chuckled, tightened his grip around Harry's arm. "Oh, Potter. I could do that, but what's the fun in that?"

Harry met Malfoy's gaze for a moment, glared at him but looked away when Malfoy winked at him again. Harry didn't feel like shaking Malfoy's hand off him anymore and that confused him.

He settled for staring at the door handle instead of Malfoy's ice blue eyes. The door handle had rustled for several minutes now. What was Snape doing in there?

"Help! We're locked inside!" Someone shouted then.

Harry looked at Malfoy.

"Did you say that?"

Malfoy rolled his eyes.

"Don't try to fool me Potter. I know that it was you."

Harry looked back at the door. If Malfoy had heard it too couldn't have been in parseltongue. Though, it hadn't sounded like Snape either… Was it one of the house elves? But they didn't need keys…

"Hello? Anyone there!?" Someone shouted from the other side of the door.

Harry gripped his hand and aimed it at the lock.

" _Alohomora_ ," He said.

"What are you doing?" Malfoy scolded him. "You can't break into Professor Snape's office like that!"

Harry tried to shake his hand off him.

"I don't think Snape is in there." He concluded.

"What? Who else is in there but Professor Snape?" Malfoy asked in confusion, finally letting Harry's arm go.

"I don't know? Let's find out." Harry said as he placed his hand on the door handle. He saw Malfoy take a step back and smiled to himself. Malfoy was such a Slytherin to act all cool at first only to take a step back when it really matters.

Harry opened the door slowly, meant to peek inside and see if Snape had gotten kidnapped or something when he got pushed roughly for the third time that day. Harry and fell back and landed on his butt as two people stumbled out of the Potion's classroom.

"Ow," One of the strangers groaned as they ran into the wall of the corridor in front of them.

Harry got up from the ground and made sure that his wand was intact in his pocket. He wondered why everyone was using him as punching bag today.

"What?" Malfoy asked in confusion. Harry followed his line of sight and ended up looking at the two people that had stumbled out of the classroom. They were currently hugging each other against the wall. They were both taller than Malfoy, and they had Asian facial features.

"Did you hurt yourself?" The black haired stranger asked the other one whose hair was of a light gray, silvery color.

"No, I'm fine. How about you Kookie?"

Harry frowned. Cookie? As in biscuit? Had they been in the kitchens?

"Where are we?" The black haired stranger, Kookie, asked gray-haired.

Harry looked at gray-haired. Why did he have gray hair? Had he had a hard life like Professor Lupin?

"Who are you?" Malfoy asked the strangers when they kept hugging each other against the wall, not having noticed either him, Harry or unconscious Parkinson.

Gray-haired looked around. "Who said that?"

"I did? Over here?" Malfoy told him, talking a step forward.

"Who are you?" Gray-haired asked him and Malfoy rolled his eyes again.

"I asked first."

"Tae Tae asked second." Kookie countered, and was Tae Tae gray-haired then?

"You don't recognize me?" Malfoy asked them before he laughed with self-confidence.

"No? Should I?" Kookie asked him, sharing a look of confusion with Tae Tae.

"Uh, _yes_? I'm Draco Malfoy." Malfoy held out a hand for them to shake, but then he hesitated. "Wait... are you muggles? Or half-bloods like stinking Potter over here?"

Harry glared at Malfoy. "Don't call me that."

"Whatever." Malfoy waved Harry's anger away casually.

"Muggles?" Tae Tae asked.

"Seriously? You're a couple of mudbloods?" Malfoy retreated his hand quickly and looked disgusted.

"Mudbloods? What are you talking about?" Kookie asked Malfoy, looking as insulted as Harry felt. "Should I feel offended?"

"I don't know? But if you're a mudblood you probably should. I almost pity you." Malfoy said with a pitiful smile. Harry thought he looked evil.

"Wait a minute… How old are you? You look like a kid." Kookie asked Malfoy, making Harry choke on his spit.

"I'm fourteen?" Malfoy retorted, the smile gone from his face.

Kookie snorted. "Talk about a maknae..." He mumbled. Tae Tae chuckled against him.

"What?" Malfoy demanded. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just-" Kookie grinned. "Tae Tae is eight years older than you and I'm six. You should call us hyung."

Tae Tae nodded. "Yeah, stop being so disrespectful. What would Jin-hyung said if he was here?"

Malfoy turned to Harry for help. "What? What's a hyung?"

Harry shrugged. He didn't know, but anything was better than cleaning cauldrons at detention with Snape right now. He'd like to hang out with Kookie and Tae Tae some more.

"Where are your uniforms? Or are you exchange students?" Harry asked them, wondering what a 20 and 22 years old was doing at a wizarding school for 11-17 years old. But who knows? Perhaps they were late bloomers and hadn't gained their magical powers until now? Or maybe the years for magical school were different in Asia?

"So you were born in 1974?" Malfoy asked Kookie, apparently not done with the fact that he wasn't the oldest one present anymore. "You're old!"

Kookie frowned at him. "Uh, no? I'm not _that_ old. I'm born in 1997."

"And me in 1995, just like Chim Chim." Tae Tae added.

Harry was taken aback.

"What? But it's 1994 now?" He asked.

Malfoy looked shocked. He ran out of insults and looked at Harry for help.

"Are you kidding me? How is that possible?" Kookie asked Harry who shrugged again.

"Magic...?"

"So you're from the future? You're from 2017?" Malfoy asked Kookie, giving him a look over. "I can't say fashion will have a bright future. It looks like you're wearing trash, to be honest."

Tae Tae gaped. "Excuse me? I'll have you know that bandanas, bomber jackets and timberlands are considered super cool in the future, kiddo."

Malfoy gasped.

"What did you call me?"

Tae Tae grinned. Harry thought his smile was boxy.

"Kiddo."

Malfoy gasped again. "Wait until my father hears about this!" He warned.

Kookie snorted.

"Your 'father'? As in daddy? You have a sugar daddy or something?" He nudged Tae's shoulders, made him chuckle again. Malfoy looked like he was about to burst.

"Excuse you!"

Kookie opened his mouth to answer, but then Harry spotted someone in the corridor up ahead.

He felt his stomach drop.

It was Snape.

"Shit," He accidentally voiced out loud, made Malfoy gasp dramatically again.

"Potter! Watch that filthy mouth of yours!"

Harry had no time to listen to him. Instead he rushed to Tae, gripped his wrist and started leading them back into the classroom.

"What are you doing?" Kookie asked after them.

"We have to take you back the way you came." Harry told them, pretending that he knew what he was doing when in really he was just eager to hide from Snape.

He glanced down at the watch sitting on his wrist. It was 30 minutes past the start of detention. Why hadn't Snape shoed up until now?

Now having time to dwell, Harry opened the classroom door and guided Kookie and Tae inside, looked around at the empty classroom, searching for a good hiding spot.

"Potter, where do you think you're going!"

Harry groaned when he saw Malfoy follow them into the classroom. Why couldn't he leave them alone already?

"You could at least help me carry Pansy." Malfoy told him.

Harry wondered what Malfoy meant when suddenly he saw him drag Parkinson into the room, dust and dirt from the floor sticking to her hair and clothes. Harry's eyes widened when he saw that her skirt had ridden up so you could see her panties.

"What the hell?" Kookie muttered next to them.


	3. A Good Hiding Spot

"Why is she unconscious? Did you kill her?" Tae asked with worry. "And who are you?" He turned to Harry.

"I'm Harry Potter. Nice to meet you." Harry greeted before he rushed to the door to close it, immediately regretting it when he realized that he'd slammed it shut in Snape's face.

Harry made a pained face. He could feel all Gryffindor points being reduced because of him.

He locked the door with his wand and proceeded to run into Snape's office, hurriedly searching for what could have brought Kookie and Tae there.

"How did you get here?" He asked them over his shoulder. He had to send them back to the future before Snape found out about this. Snape was sure to make a big deal of it and tell Dumbledore.

Kookie scratched his hair and Tae looked down at the floor. Harry wondered why they were acting so strange all of a sudden. They almost seemed embarrassed.

"Well, uh, you see…" Tae started.

"We were searching for a good hiding spot, you know. And then we kind of ended up in Yoongi-hyung's closet and the next thing we know we stumble into this really old looking office." Kookie finished for him.

Harry wondered who Yoongi-hyung was. He would also like to tell Kookie that here in Britain closets weren't closets but wardrobes, but he kept that to himself, not wanting to come off as a know-it-all like Hermione.

"What's a closet? Isn't it called wardrobe?" Malfoy spoke up from where he'd walked up to them and left Parkinson on the floor close to the door.

"What?" Kookie looked down at Malfoy.

"Never mind. You're obviously not going to get an Outstanding anyway. Why bother trying to help you. And you're a muggle, so it's a waste of my time." Malfoy said as he brushed his platinum blonde locks to the side of his face.

Harry opened his mouth to ask Kookie some more about this 'closet' that they'd walked into when suddenly a new voice reached them from behind.

"They won't find us in here," Someone said, the voice dark and hurried. It sounded like he was panting.

"Sure about that, Heichou?" Another voice asked, accompanied by a needy whine.

Harry felt his face heat up. He flicked his eyes to Malfoy and found that his usually pale face had turned red as well.

" _Ah_ , Eren, take this off," The first person panted, and then Harry heard the significant sound of kissing. The sounds rose in volume but he didn't dare turn around to look for the source of them.

"I can't take this anymore," The second person breathed. "I need you,"

Harry gulped when he heard one of them moan.

"What a coincidence," Kookie chuckled into Tae's ear in front of Harry.

"Right?" Tae answered him before Kookie kissed him on the lips.

Wait.

Kissed him on the lips?

"Bloody Salazar Slytherin!" Malfoy gasped.

"Merlin!" Harry exclaimed as Kookie and Tae started kissing in front of him and Malfoy.

"Potter, is this a prank? Because you will get punished for this!" Malfoy warned, aiming his wand at Harry.

"What? Prank? It's not a prank Malfoy!?" Harry tried to defend himself, aiming his wand at Malfoy just for good measure.

"Step back or I'll hex you!" Malfoy shouted back, and then Harry heard the needy pants and whines from behind them finally tune out.

Someone coughed awkwardly.

"Uh, where are we?"

"Huh? In the cupboard?"

"No Eren, we're in a classroom."

"What?"

"Who's there!?" Malfoy demanded, now aiming his wand at whoever was behind Harry.

Harry turned around while keeping an eye on Malfoy and his wand and tried to look away from Kookie and Tae that kept kissing each other.

" _Lumos_ ," Harry whispered, and then the light from his wand lit up Snape's office around them. He saw two people lay on the ground in front of him. Naked.

"What the!" Harry startled when he saw the naked back of the brunette who was straddling the dark haired man under him.

"Where are your clothes!?" Malfoy piped in panic, sounding like he was either about to cry or faint.

The dark haired man narrowed his eyes at Harry, tried to look past the light from the tip of his wand. The brunette on top of him looked back at Harry. His eyes were big and green and he didn't look happy about the interruption.

"Hanji? Is that you? Are you trying to trick us? Because it's not funny." The dark haired person asked Harry before he heaved a sigh.

"Who's Hanji?" Malfoy spoke up, stalking his way over to Harry to get a better look of the intruders.

"Only the most annoying person on the planet." The dark haired person told them.

"No, that's Potter." Malfoy said as a matter of fact. Harry refrained from rolling his eyes.

"Are you exchange students as well? Are you from Durmstrang or Beauxbatons?" Harry asked as politely as he could while he tried not to stare at the brunette's naked butt or the dark haired one's hands that were cupped them.

"I'm from Shiganshina." The brunette told them. He held out a hand for Harry to shake. "Eren Yeager."

Harry took his hand and shook it, albeit reluctantly. He could only guess what that hand had been up to moments ago.

"Potter. Harry Potter."

Malfoy forcefully pressed his hand into Eren's. "Draco Malfoy."

Eren eyed Malfoy carefully as he shook his hand.

"Levi." The dark haired person told them when Eren was done shaking their hands. "I'd prefer not to shake your hands though. I just washed mine."

Malfoy looked insulted. Harry ignored him. Snape must be either working on the lock by now or have gone to fetch McGonagall so that she would get to witness him scold Harry.

Harry felt someone walk into him and saw Tae crouch down on the floor to hand his jacket over to Eren.

"Want to borrow my jacket?"

"Yeah, thanks!" Eren flashed Tae a smile. Harry thought it looked like friendship at first sight.

Harry removed his robe and offered it to Levi who took it and put it on. When Levi stood up Harry noticed that they were about the same height.

"May I ask how old you are?" Harry asked Levi as he forced Malfoy out of his Slytherin robe to wrap Eren into it, covering his bare bottom.

"I'm twenty-four." Levi told them with a confident nod of his head. Harry thought he should call him sir.

"No, he's not. He's thirty-four." Eren told them with a flirty wink to Levi.

"Really? I'm twenty-two. Kim Taehyung by the way." Tae told them. "This is Jeon Jungkook, my boyfriend."

Harry startled. Boyfriend? That explained why they had kissed each other then.

"He means soulmate." Kookie joined in.

"Very funny." Levi told them, not looking like he thought it was funny. "Now, how do we go back? Hanji might be searching for me.

"Yeah, and I promised to hang out with Armin and Mikasa in about an hour. They will get worried if I'm gone for too long." Eren added.

Harry wondered who all these people were. He wondered how Eren and Levi had appeared in Snape's office to begin with.

Then he got it.

"Wait, did you get here by floo powder?" He asked. When all he received was a cough and faint 'what' he shook his head. Another reason then.

"Levi? Levi!"

Harry snapped his head to the side when a new voice met his ears. This one sounded like a woman.

"Ah, damn it." Levi groaned. He gripped Eren's hand. "Fast, we need to hide," He told him and then they started running around Snape's office in search for a good hiding spot. When they couldn't find any they settled for hiding behind Kookie and Tae, or maybe Harry should refer to them as Jungkook and Taehyung now?

"I'd like my robe back now." Malfoy told Eren, holding out a hand. He was ignored.

"Hello! I am talking to you? I don't want it soiled by mudbloods. The house elves just cleaned it. Hand me back my robe!" Malfoy ordered.

Now it was Eren's turn to look offended.

"Excuse me? Can you repeat that?" He warned, angry tone to his voice.

"Chill, he's just a kid." Levi tried to calm Eren.

"I'm fourteen!" Malfoy countered. He looked really riled up.

"As I said; a kid." Levi repeated, and then the woman's voice met their ears again.

"Levi? Where are you? Are you in there? And have you seen Eren? Jean is looking for him!" The woman announced from somewhere around them.

"Jean?" Eren muttered, sounding agitated. Harry got the feeling he didn't like Jean very much.

Harry looked around Snape's office, searched for the noise just as someone stumbled into the room from a painting beside Harry.

The woman was tall and had her brunette hair in a ponytail. She was wearing some sort of white and beige uniform with a pair of goggles resting on top of her head. Harry jumped when he noticed that she was carrying two swords in her hands.

The stranger spotted Harry and walked up to him with a friendly smile. "Oh, hi! Who are you? Have you by any chance seen Levi or Eren? I think they ran off to fuck in secret somewhere."

Harry gaped at her improper language.

"What are you saying!?" Malfoy gasped, sounding shocked.

"Huh? You didn't know they were together? I figured it out months ago, honey. But it's okay, not everyone can be as intuitive as me I guess." She sighed with self-confidence.  

"Hanji? Hanji where did you go?"

Harry kept gaping as three others stumbled into the office was starting to feel crowded. They were all wearing the same uniform as goggles (Hanji?). One was a dark haired Asian looking girl, one a short blond coconut headed boy and the third one was a guy that reminded Harry of a horse.

" _Jean_ ," Eren muttered, full of irritation, from where he hid behind Jungkook.

"Shit, she found us," Levi cursed from behind Taehyung.

"What? Who said that? Levi, was that you?" Hanji started sniffing the air like a blood hound. "I know you're here now! You can't hide from me!"

Harry looked at Jungkook and Taehyung to look at Eren and Levi, that way accidentally revealed for Hanji where they were hiding by looking their way.

"Aha! I found you!" Hanji chirped before he took off for Taehyung who jumped out of the way, afraid of the swords still in her hands.

"Damn it," Levi cursed again as he rushed to the side, pulled Eren along with him as they started running away from Hanji in Harry and Malfoy's borrowed robes.

"Eren? Are you here?" The Asian girl asked Eren just as he opened the Potion's cupboard and tried to squeeze himself into it.

"Nope!" Eren shouted over his shoulder at the girl as Levi squeezed himself into the cupboard as well and shut the door after them.

"What just happened?" Harry asked no one in particular, not really expecting an answer, not getting one either.

Harry looked at Jungkook for help since he seemed sharp but quickly looked away when he found him lifting Taehyung up from the floor, and move them over to Snape's desk to start snog with him.

Harry watched as Hanji walked to the potion's cupboard and knocked on it.

"Hello! Levi! Are you fucking in there?"

"Go away shitty glasses!"

Hanji gasped but grinned at the same time.

"What did you call me old man?"

"Hello. Uhm… may I ask where we are?"

Harry looked to his right and found the short blonde guy talk to him. His eyes were big and a worried.

"We're in Snape's office. Think he'll be back soon." Harry said, feeling himself start to panic at the reminder.

What would he do with all of these people?

"Stop shouting please, my ears are hurting." Malfoy tried to hush Hanji but was ignored when she started kicking on the cupboard door, shouting for Eren and Levi to come out.

"Who's Snape?" Blonde-boy asked Harry who sighed.

"A devil. But never mind. I'm Harry Potter. Who are you?"

"I'm Armin Arlert. Nice to meet you." Armin told Harry with a shy smile. "And this is Mikasa Ackerman and Jean Kirstein." He motioned for Asian-girl and horse-face.

"Alright. What are you doing here then?" Harry hoped to get some straight answers from Armin. He seemed kind and clever. Harry briefly wondered if he would have been a Gryffindor if he'd gone to Hogwarts.

"Mikasa and I were supposed to meet up with Eren." Armin started, following Mikasa with his eyes as she walked up to Hanji and Malfoy and started knocking on the door as well. "But then he had disappeared. We walked into Hanji-san who told us that she was searching for Levi Heichou. We followed Hanji, walked into Jean and then stumbled into a cupboard and walked out here."

Harry frowned. "You just ended up here? How?"

Armin shrugged. "Magic?"

Harry didn't know what to think. "Yeah, maybe..." He said. They were at Hogwarts after all, and Hogwarts laid on many secrets. Perhaps it wasn't so strange that something like this happened. The big question was how Harry would send them back.

Harry darted his eyes to Jungkook and Taehyung who were putting Snape's desk to use and wondered how to either send them back or hide them all before Snape returned with reinforcement.

A loud POFF made Harry startle.

"Hell yeah! It worked!" Someone exclaimed with victory. Smoke filled Snape's office. It made Harry squint around in the blind and cough.

"High five!" Another one joined in.

"Not so fast. We don't know where we are yet." A third person scolded the first two. Harry thought that voice sounded familiar from somewhere.

"Ow, you stepped on my foot." A fourth person complained.

"Sorry Wormy, don't stand in the way the next time."

"It wasn't my fault?"

"Sure it was."

"No, it wasn't."

"Can you two stop arguing now? Where are we?"

"Dunno? But it smells like old feet to me."

"No, that's just Padfoot. He forgot to shower yesterday."

"No, we showered this morning."

"We!?"

Harry tried to wave the smoke away from him, tried to see what the commotion was all about when he saw four new heads appear on the spot where Hanji, Mikasa, Jean and Armin had just recently been, next to one of Snape's old paintings.

"Come on, let's see if it worked."

"Of course it worked. The Marauders never fail."

"Tell that to McGogo as she goes through Wormy's essay."

"Hey!"

Harry blinked in confusion. Marauders? McGogo? Wormy?

"Ew! Padfoot you take a step away from Moony right now!"

"Why? Look away if you're a hater."

"I'm not a hater?"

"Then why are you acting like one?"

"Lads! Relax! Here, look I brought some sweets-"

"Not now Wormy. Padfoot here says he wants to fight."

"Whoa, what? I want to fight?"

"Padfoot."

"Okay, I'll stop it."

"What's going on? Hello!" Malfoy shouted at the strangers. They stopped bickering and walked out of the smoke cloud.

Harry felt his jaw drop when he saw who it was.

In front of him was a much younger version of Sirius Black with his long, dark hair and a mischievous grin on his lips. Next to him stood a healthier version of Professor Lupin, wand held in a tight grip in his hand, and next to him stood someone chubby with small watery eyes that Harry recognized as Peter Pettigrew.

Next to him stood Harry's father. James Potter. James looked just like Harry. Harry almost wondered if he'd accidentally walked past a mirror.

Harry was shocked. But at the same time he thought that hearing the names Padfoot, Moony and Wormy would have been evidence enough for this reveal. He guessed he'd still been too confused from having witnessed Eren and Levi naked and Jungkook and Taehyung snogging to put the strings together.

"Wow! Who's this hottie over here? Hey mate! You're quite handsome if I dare say so myself!" James laughed, walking up to Harry to give him a high five.

"No homo." James added as he gave Harry a look over, looking like he liked what he saw.

Harry blinked at him.

"Dad?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the marauders!!


	4. Shut Up Malfoy

 

Kookie snorted from the back of the office.

"Did you just say daddy?"

Hanji started laughing. Malfoy looked like he was about to cry from the improper language.

James looked over his shoulder.

"Moony I think you just got competition. This bloke just called Padfoot daddy." James told Professor Lupin who looked from Harry to James, from James to Harry.

"What year is it?" Professor Lupin asked seriously, choosing to ignore James.

"It's 1994, Professor." Harry answered with a polite nod of his head.

Sirius burst out laughing, patted Professor Lupin on the back encouragingly.

"Did you catch that? He called you Professor, Moony! I guess those hours you wasted in the library finally payed off if you'll be a Professor in the future," Sirius chuckled. James joined in with the teasing, and after elbowing Wormtail he started laughing as well.

Lupin didn't laugh though.

"You over there?" He asked, motioning for Harry, talking a step away from James, Sirius and Wormtail with a look of discomfort on his face.

"You mean me?" Harry asked, pointing at himself.

"Yes, you." Lupin told him, looking torn. "I must ask you not to tell us your full name or anything about what has happened over the course of the past 20 years. Please? I'm afraid that by doing so we might affect the future, which we do not want to do."

Oh.

Harry nodded slowly, realization hitting him. That sounded wise. And complicated. Very complicated in fact, but very much like Professor Lupin to say so.

"Got it Professor. I won't tell you anything." Harry said as he started recollecting the happenings of the past 20 years in his head. Didn't Lupin know about the fall of Voldemort? Did he know about the events of last year? Did he know that Harry had the Marauder's Map? Okay, so he probably didn't probably.

"That also means you shouldn't call me Professor." Lupin sighed, looking bothered. "Or the reason why." He added with a crease on his forehead.

"Oh, right. Sorry sir. Won't happen again." Harry apologized.

"Or sir."

Harry refrained from deadpanning. "Yes, uh, mate?"

Slipping up was just too easy.

Lupin smiled faintly, the smile never reaching his stressed eyes. "Better." He concluded before he motioned for James, Sirius and Wormtail that started playing tag behind them. "We're fourteen by the way. We're straight from 1974. The one with the glasses over there and the idiot with the long hair next to him wanted to test this new spell they'd found in a book from the forbidden department. The idiot persuaded me, and then we ended up here with number four."

Harry wondered if he should let Lupin know that he knew of their full names and nicknames already. It was sort of awkward now to pretend that he didn't know.

"Persuaded you?" He asked instead of letting Lupin know that he knew of their full names, immediately regretting it when he saw how embarrassed Lupin got. His cheeks tinted pink and he started fiddling with the sleeves of his robe. Harry felt uncomfortable. It was really strange to see Lupin this young, but to talk to him as a friend and see him become shy was just too much.

Harry briefly wondered if he should let the real Lupin and Sirius know about this. Or no. Preferably no one would know about this after Harry managed to send them back.

"Well, uh, you see…" Lupin started explaining, bringing Harry's mind back to the 'persuading'. However, Lupin didn't get to finish since he got interrupted by Sirius when he out of nowhere pulled him into a hug and fell them both to the floor.

"Padfoot what are you doing!?" Lupin gasped. Harry felt his jaw hit the floor again when Sirius started planting kisses on Lupin's cheeks.

"Ah!" Wormtail screamed in fear.

"Shield your eyes, my friend! Fast or they will burn off your face before you have the time to say 'Snivellus'!" James bellowed heroically as he dramatically covered Wormtail's eyes with his hands.

Harry watched James in shock. This was so _weird_. Was that really his father in front of him right now? Was Sirius really kissing Lupin on the floor?

Harry looked to his right, saw that Eren and Levi had emerged from the cupboard and now tried to swat a prying Hanji away from them.

Who were they?

Harry looked at Snape's desk, felt his heart jump when he noticed Taehyung and Jungkook do god knows what with the quill in Jungkook's hands. Whatever they were doing it probably wasn't safe. Harry didn't want anything to do with them right now, but he also didn't want them to get hurt. He felt torn. Should he run forward and take the quill away from Jungkook?

Malfoy's gasp echoed around them, dragged Harry's attention elsewhere. Harry now realized that he had been too occupied by the others to keep an eye on Malfoy. Where was he?

"Wait a second! Is that thing on the floor over there blood traitor Black!? Sirius Black!?" Malfoy shrieked as he aimed his wand at Sirius. Harry aimed his wand at him. Had Malfoy been this close to Harry all this time or had he run over here just now?

"Speak up blood traitor!" Malfoy ordered Sirius, and then Harry snapped. Malfoy had no right to call Sirius that.

"Shut up Malfoy." He spat. He'd wanted to say that all day.

Malfoy wasn't listening to him though. He kept staring at Sirius and Lupin.

"Is that Lupin!?" He gasped with disgust. Harry's right eyebrow started to twitch with anger.

"I said shut up Malfoy." Harry repeated. Now it was James turn to gasp.

"Malfoy? Where!"

Sirius jumped up from the floor, left Lupin there.

"Yeah! Where? I want to give him a piece of my mind!"

Harry gaped when Sirius and James both aimed their wands at Malfoy who kept his wand steadily pointed at Lupin who looked around in confusion on the floor.

"Wait. Isn't this the Potion's office?" Lupin asked thoughtfully, apparently not seeing the wands over his head. "Where is Professor Slughorn?"

"Asleep?" Wormtail supplied, his voice muffled from the many sweets filling his mouth. Harry got angry every time he heard his voice. One part of Harry wanted to confront Wormtail for what he'd done, but another part listened to Lupin who'd told him not to mess with the future.

But still... What if he could change the future for the better?

"No, we're in the future. Right. Got it." Lupin mumbled to himself.

"Who's 'Slughorn'? This office belongs to Professor Snape." Malfoy told them.

"What?" James demanded.

"Snivellus!?" Sirius gasped.

"Come on! Let's destroy the place!" James suggested. "If this is Snivellus office now then I say we let break some of these potions, or what do you say Pads?"

Sirius high fived James, shared a wicked grin with him. "Roger that! Let's teach old Snivelly not to mess with the marauders!"

"Oh god,"

Harry looked down and found Lupin sitting with his hands in his hair, chewing on his bottom lip in worry.

"Professor, I, uh, I mean-, mate?" Harry asked Lupin who started to get up from the floor.

"Don't move!" Malfoy shouted at Lupin. "You-, you-"

"I feel loved." Lupin smiled stiffly at Malfoy. "Great to know that I'm as loved in the future as I am now."

Harry made a face. Hearing Lupin talk like that made him feel even more uncomfortable.

Like, was he joking? Did he want anyone to laugh with him? Did he want pity..?

"Malfoy, lower your wand." Harry told Malfoy, finding it wise to try and pretend as if Lupin wasn't present.

"No." Malfoy retorted.

"Yes." Harry countered. "Lower it or I'll let Headmaster Dumbledore of how badly you're treating Professor Lupin. Then he'll expel you." Harry lied. He would never run to Dumbledore to tell about this.

"Oh, the golden boy is going to tell Dumbledore? Oh, I'm so _scared_." Malfoy rolled his eyes. Harry got irritated.

"I mean it." He said.

"Leave this to me."

Harry looked down when he heard Lupin whisper to him. He had just the time to watch him raise his want before Malfoy's shoelaces lied together. Malfoy tried to take a step forward but fell to the stone floor.

"Wicked Moony!" Someone exclaimed around them. Looking around, Harry saw Sirius blow Lupin a kiss.

He wished he hadn't seen that. It made him cringe.

"Expelliarmus," Lupin cast at Malfoy while he was distracted by his shoelaces. Lupin caught his wand when it came flying to him.

Lupin got up from the floor and handed the wand to Harry.

"Here, take this. I don't find it wise to allow people like Malfoy over here possess a wand in situations like these." Lupin told Harry before he ran off to stop Sirius and James from destroying Snape's office. Harry looked after them in confusion.

Then he heard a new set of voices come from the painting.

Not sure what to expect anymore, Harry looked over there, raised his eyebrows in surprise when five Asian looking people walked into the office.

"Tae Tae!? Are you in here!?" The short blonde one at the front shouted, looking afraid.

"Jungkookie!? Where are you!" The tall dark haired one shouted after the first one. Harry drew the conclusion that these people probably came from the same place as Taehyung and Jungkook. Wherever that was.

"Stop shouting Chim Chim, you're turning me deaf," The third person with bright red hair told the blonde one at the front as he stumbled into the room, confused look on his face.

"Don't push me." The short blue haired one added as the red haired accidentally pushed into him.

"Okay, can we all calm down? I don't think it will do any good if we all panic." The fifth and last person suggested, his hair orange.

Harry stared at them, wondered if they were all metamorphmaguses or if they were born with hair like that.

Harry stopped staring when Malfoy found his ankles on the floor, grabbed them and tried to pull him down.

"Give me back my wand Potter!" De demanded from the floor.

Harry shook his hands off him, walked over to the newcomers.

"Hello. My name is Harry Potter. Who are you?" He told the orange haired one since he seemed the most calm at the moment.

"Harry Potter? As in 'you're a lizard Harry'?" Orange-haired asked, extending a hand for Harry to shake.

"Lizard?" Harry asked, ignoring the hand. "Who said that?"

"Never mind." Orange-haired said, staring at his neglected hand before he gave himself a high five. "I'm Kim Namjoon," He motioned for blue and red haired. "That's Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok." He nodded at blonde. "Park Jimin. And the one over there is Kim Seokjin." He looked back at Harry. "Have you by any chance seen Taehyung or Jungkook?" He asked.

Harry didn't know what to answer.

"I, uh," He managed as he wondered how long it would take before Namjoon looked around the room and spotted Taehyung and Jungkook still doing god knows what on Snape's desk.

"What in the world are you wearing!?" Malfoy shrieked from the floor where he tried to untie his shoelaces by hand.

"Are you talking to me?" Yoongi asked back.

"Who else?" Malfoy snorted, giving Yoongi a disapproving look over. Yoongi was wearing all black including a black mouth mask that made Harry wonder if he'd caught the flu.

"I don't know but considering what you're wearing I figured you might be talking to yourself." Yoongi answered Malfoy, shrugging. Hoseok choked out a laugh and Jin started laughing out loud, his laughs sounding like windshields that made Harry's ears bleed.

"Tae Tae!?" Jimin shouted again, running into the office, Jin running after him, looking hunted.

"I, uh, what year is it?" Namjoon asked Harry. "The things in here don't look very modern to me."

"It's 1994." Harry told Namjoon, considering calling him Mr. Kim and sir.

"Oh," Namjoon said. "I'm not sure if I'm born yet."

Harry nodded. He had no idea of what was going on or why Namjoon and his friends were here in the first place but he didn't feel surprised anymore.

"Ah! A SNAKE!"

Harry jumped when Hoseok's scream met his ears. Looking around at Hoseok he found him staring into the many mysterious preserved animals in jars and glasses to be used as potion's ingredients.  

"I hate snakeu!"

Harry took a step back, finding it wise to keep a distance to that panicked person. He regretted it when Malfoy wrapped his hands around his ankles again.

"Give me back my wand Potter! Or else!"

"Or else what?"

"I, I-,"

Harry cast a spell at Malfoy's hands that made him let go before he went to look for Taehyung and Jungkook at Snape's desk. He wanted to bring them back to where they came from.

All around Harry the office was a mess. He saw Jin talk to Hanji, the both of them laughing and patting each other on their backs. He saw Wormtail sit down on the floor to kiss Mikasa's feet. He saw Lupin talk and share theories with Armin. He saw Eren and Levi sneak into the cupboard again. He saw Yoongi find a corner where he took a nap. He saw Namjoon start a stiff conversation with Jean. He saw Hoseok faint and come back to life multiple times as he peeked into the many jars filled with snakes, spiders and insects.

Harry saw a lot of things, but he couldn't find Taehyung and Jungkook.

Where were they?


	5. Finding Taekook

 

Harry heard a loud crack. Someone cursed. Looking around he found Namjoon lift his hands in the air in surrender, having walked into a shelf and hit a couple of jars to the floor.

" _Reparo_ ," Harry said quickly, cleaning up the mess. Namjoon gaped at him, pointed at his wand.

"No." Harry told him when it looked like Namjoon wanted to try his wand. He wouldn't let anyone that clumsy near it. But Malfoy's wand on another hand...

"Potter, don't you dare hand my wand over to that muggle!"

Maybe that wasn't a great idea. Harry decided to keep Malfoy's wand for himself for the time being.

When James and Sirius started hexing Jimin to hang upside down in his shoelaces Harry started to feel stressed. All this chaos wasn't good. Someone was sure to walk past the door and call for a teacher. If Snape himself didn't go inside before that.

Harry rushed out of the office and into the Potion's classroom, searching for Taehyung and Jungkook, only finding Parkinson's unconscious body laying on the floor by the door.

Harry picked the Marauder's Map from his pocket, whispered a _'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good'_ and watched as rooms, footsteps and names appear on it. His eyes locked on the names _Kim Taehyung_ and _Jeon Jungkook_ that according to the map were hiding in Snape's bedroom.

Wait. Snape's bedroom? Ew!

Harry suppressed the urgent need to throw up on the spot from the mental image of Snape being in his bedroom as he pocketed the Marauder's Map quickly and rushed back into the office and into the side room which he suspected was the bedroom. Inside he only had to look for a second before he spotted Taehyung and Jungkook sitting on Snape's bed, straddling each other among other things.

"Uhm, excuse me!" Harry started, stopping in the doorway, unsure of what to do. Taehyung and Jungkook didn't jump apart.

"Hello?" Harry asked, unsure of what to do. From the look of it Jungkook was trying to eat Taehyung. Harry thought it looked dangerous. Wild even. The slobbery sounds coming from them made his cheeks flare red again.

"Kookie, Tae Tae!? Has anyone seen Kookie and Tae!?" Someone shouted then. Within a second Harry felt himself get roughly pushed into wall. Again.

"Ow," Harry groaned, rubbing the side of his face that collided with the wall. His glasses broke and he wondered why everyone kept pushing into him today.

This was still way better than cleaning cauldrons with Snape though.

Speaking of Snape, shouldn't he have fetched McGonagall by now? Or Dumbledore and Filch to make sure that Harry got really, severely punished with audience?

"Jiminie!" Taehyung answered from the bed, now moving away from Jungkook who delivered a slap to his butt on the way up.

Wait. A slap to his butt!?

Harry shook his head, looked away. It felt like he was prying in something personal.

"Where did you go? We've searched for you for over an hour!"

Harry looked back at Jimin as he burst into the room. He seemed surprised over the fact that Taehyung and Jungkook had been gone for long, but not over the fact that they were straddling each other. Or that Jungkook was slapping Taehyung's butt again. Or that Taehyung leaned down to press another kiss to Jungkook's lips that made Harry look away again. Merlin… his eyes just kept flicking to them. Why was he staring in the first place? Usually people stared at him, not the other way around.

"Scar face, where are you!?"

Harry clenched his jaw at the reminder of why people usually stared at him.

"I'm talking to you!"

Frowning, Harry turned around and found a wild looking Malfoy stand in the doorway, wand back in his hand, aimed at Harry's chest. Harry must've dropped it when he got pushed into the wall just now.

"You tell me what's going on right now, or I swear, you will regret-"

Malfoy didn't get to finish his threat since another set of people ran into Snape's bedroom. It was the red haired and blue haired, Hoseok and Yoongi. Hoseok dragged Yoongi along, and Yoongi successfully pushed Malfoy into the wall on the way.

"Oops, sorry about that." Yoongi said as they brushed past.

"Yeah, sorry!" Hoseok joined in, laughing.

Harry looked back at Malfoy. It looked like he was boiling.

"Filthy mudbloods. I've had it with them." Draco spat. He glared at the happy gang of people hugging on Snape's bed before he looked back at Harry with a snarl. "You will help me get my robe back right now, clean it and then help me search for Professor Snape." He concluded with confidence.

"Uh, no?" Harry answered. He crossed his arms. He could hear James and Sirius crash the office in the room next to them, hear Eren bicker with Jean, and Levi shout insults at Hanji. Harry wondered if he was going insane. He wondered how it was possible for them all to gather here at the same place.

"Excuse you? Could you repeat that?" Malfoy asked with a twitch of his left eye.

"I told you no." Harry repeated. "And lower that wand. You don't want to make a Parkinson."

One of Malfoy's eyebrows twitched this time. "Sorry? A Parkinson? Do you mean Pansy? What are you on about, _Potter_?" He asked, spitting out Harry's name.

"Accidentally hex someone. Like Parkinson." Harry explained as he slowly, sneakily lowered his right hand into his robe pocket until he had his fingers around his wand.

"Where is Professor Snape?" Malfoy demanded next. Harry wanted to roll his eyes at him. Did he honestly think he knew?

"I mean it." Malfoy went on, not giving Harry a break. "Are you pranking me!"

Harry shook his head, pushed past Malfoy in the doorway, walked back into Snape's office, but he pushed Harry back, and they both fell to the floor, Harry landing on top of Malfoy.

"Potter, get off me! You're soiling my clothes!" Malfoy squeaked. Suddenly his entire face went red. Harry felt his own face grow red as well. Malfoy wasn't wearing his Slytherin robe, meaning that Harry steadied himself with his hands pressed to his shirt-clad chest.

"Potter…!" Malfoy warned as Harry stared at Malfoy's chest, suddenly frozen in place. He heard someone whistle at them from behind, figured that it might've been Jungkook.

"Don't push me." Harry forced out as he snapped out of whatever weird daze he'd been in. "It's not nice."

Malfoy snorted. "It's 'not nice'? Since when do you care about being nice? And who are you, pushing me to the floor like this? Aren't you supposed to be the hero?" He scoffed evilly. "Just wait until Professor Snape finds out about this... and Dumbledore. I bet he'll disqualify you from the next task… ha!"

Harry felt the familiar heat of anger flare up in his chest at Malfoy's haughty laugh. Malfoy was making fun of him. Harry wanted to shut him up.

"Shut up, Malfoy." He warned, thinking that if he got a Galleon every time he'd told Malfoy that he'd be able to buy a Firebolt to Ron, and one to Fred, and one to George, and even to Percy that was acting as a real prat nowadays.

"I'm warning you Potter. Get off me." Malfoy tried to warn, bringing Harry back to reality. He didn't sound angry though. Or look angry. In fact, his eyes were big and his cheeks were tinted pink. Harry had never seen him look like this before. He didn't know what he thought about that.

"Aw, do you see that Chim Chim?" Taehyung squealed from somewhere behind them.

"What?" Jimin asked back.

"Now kiss!" Hoseok cheered.

"I think they're going to kiss. Anyone want to bet?" Yoongi asked.

"Speaking of kissing..." Jungkook started. "Come here," He mused, and Harry thought Jungkook started kissing Taehyung again since the room filled with a mix of disgusted 'ew's and dreamy 'aah's.

"Now kiss!" Hoseok repeated, and it took a moment until Harry realized that he wasn't talking to Jungkook and Taehyung but to himself and Malfoy.

"Are you talking to _me_?" Malfoy asked Hoseok over Harry's shoulder. He half-heartedly tried to push Harry off of him, but Harry held him in place. He didn't want him to run off to tell Dumbledore. Or McGonagall. McGonagall was worse.

"Who else?" Yoongi answered for Hoseok. "Do you see any more annoying children around here?" He asked, making Hoseok laugh.

"I'm not a child!" Malfoy countered. He looked back at Harry. "But Potter is." He finished with a smirk. "He's a real baby. Can't even cast an Accio." He pouted. "Can't even get an Outstanding in Potions."

Yet again, Harry wanted to wipe that smirk off Malfoy's face. He wanted to insult him back.

"I can cast an Accio." He said instead.

Malfoy looked pleased. "Yes, now you can. But fact stays that you're a baby."

"I think he's flirting with you." Kookie spoke up from behind them.

"That's the weirdest flirting I've seen!" Hoseok concluded, and Harry jumped away from Malfoy when he realized that they meant them again.

"Finally," Malfoy drawled. He started brushing imaginary dust off his school attire while half-glaring, half-smirking at Harry who frowned down at himself.

"Could you maybe give the bedroom for us to use on our own?" Someone asked then. Harry looked at the bed but quickly looked away when he found Taehyung entangled with Jungkook on the bed.

"But it's weird out there." Jimin complained. "There are people with wands, and with swords, and Jin-hyung."

"Jin-hyung?" Taehyung questioned.

Yoongi climbed up to the foot of the bed where he curled into a ball, closed his eyes and looked ready for a nap. Within a second Hoseok had climbed up behind him, hugged him from behind, and then Jimin flung himself on Taehyung for a hug himself, but he shook him off.

"Guess we'll have to do with the audience..." Jungkook sighed. Jimin looked torn between wanting to keep hugging Taehyung and escape.

"Who are you!" Malfoy demanded then. He raised his wand, aimed it at Taehyung. However, he, and Harry, startled when a loud shout of victory reached them from the doorway.

"Is this the bedroom? Mad! Come on Padfoot, let's wreck it!"

Harry's eyebrows lifted to the ceiling when James bounced into the bedroom, looking up to no good with Sirius in tow.

"Are you coming Wormy?" Sirius shouted after them. "Never mind." He changed his mind after a look over his shoulder. "He's trying to flirt with Mikasa."

"Oh, the hot bird?" James asked curiously. Harry couldn't begin to express how strange it was for him to hear his father talk so casually like that.

"I wouldn't call her hot, I mean, she's not a Moony, but yeah, think it was her?" Sirius said with staged causality.

James made a face. He stopped bouncing around in joy, came down to a stop, put a hand on Sirius' shoulder.

"Padfoot. Mate. My _friend_." He started. Harry listened intently. Jimin was listening as well. Malfoy was trying to spell his blushing cheeks away in the corner.

"What?" Sirius asked, trying to shrug James' hand off him.

James looked deeply into Sirius' eyes. "Call Moony hot again and we're not friends anymore." He stated.

Sirius gasped. "What are you saying, not-friend?"

James cupped Sirius' cheeks, looked desperate. "Mate! What I'm telling you is-, is-, that I am the only one for you!"

"No homo!" Jungkook spoke up from the bed.

"No homo!" James and Sirius both cheered back, winking at each other.

"Bro." Sirius said then, smiling at James.

" _Bro_." James agreed, wicked grin on his face.

"Stop touching me or I'll hex you. Bro." Sirius told him, still smiling.

"Stop calling Moony hot or I'll hex _you_. Bro." James countered, crazy grin on his face. They stared at each other for a moment, and Harry wondered what they were doing when all of a sudden they started wrestling again.

"Merlin! What did I miss?"

Harry looked at the doorway where Lupin stood with Wormtail held in place by a steady grip around his neck.

"Fath-, I mean, James just told uncl-, I mean, Sirius that he doesn't think you look hot profess-, I mean Lupin. Just Lupin. Not Professor, sir." Harry said.

Lupin looked bothered. "Perhaps it's best if we don't talk to each other." He stated. He looked around. "Now, where are the idiots? I would like to get us back as soon as possible. I just remembered that I promised to meet up Lily in the library in ten."

Harry gaped. "Evans?"

Lupin looked like he'd said something he shouldn't have. He opened his mouth, probably to make up a bad excuse, when suddenly James jumped up from the floor, his eyes formed into hearts.

"Did someone say Evans!?" He exclaimed. "Where? And how do I look!?"

"Like a wanker!" Sirius stated as he jumped up next to James.

"Like an idiot?" Wormtail supplied, trying to be funny. It wasn't funny though. Harry thought it was a very bad joke.

"Oh come on Wormy, as if you can talk. You look like a rat." James stated with a mocking face.

"Well, that isn't so weird. I mean, he is one-" Sirius started but was interrupted by Lupin who slammed a hand over his mouth.

"He looks like a rat! Coincidence! Ha, ha! _So_ weird!" Lupin laughed forcefully, stiff, uncomfortable smile on his face. "Right, James?" He turned to James for support.

"Since when are you calling me 'James'?" He huffed, sounding offended. "I thought I was Prongs?"

Lupin looked like he was about to freak out. Harry wondered if he should let them know that he knew they were all animagus, save from Lupin of course who was a werewolf. Harry wondered if he should let him know that he knew that as well. He decided not to when he heard a loud explosion come from the office.

"Joonie! What are you doing!?" Someone shouted in shock.

"Evacuate! Fast! Hurry!" Another one urged. It sounded like Levi, Harry thought before he, Remus, Wormtail, Sirius, and James were all pushed into Snape's bedroom where Yoongi and Hoseok had fallen asleep on the bed, Taehyung and Jungkook had resumed their kissing and Jimin was having a staring competition with Malfoy.

Black, smelly smoke seeped into the bedroom from the main office. Harry wondered what had happened when suddenly a string of red sparks cut the air in front of him.

A spell. Someone had cast a spell.

"Malfoy, where are you?" Harry demanded, raising his own wand high in the air. He had to make sure Malfoy wouldn't cause him more trouble than then mess he already was in.

"Are you blind Potter? I'm standing right over here." Malfoy snorted superiorly. "Loser."

Harry jerked at the insult. He had the spell on his tongue but he shouldn't cast it. Malfoy wasn't worth it.

"Why did you cast a spell? Were you aiming at me?" He asked, trying to sound big and scary, ending up sounding confused and tired.

"What do you think? Do I have my wand aimed to you?" Malfoy asked defiantly, quickly lowering his wand.

Harry narrowed his eyes at him. "Yes."

He didn't get to finish the discussion as someone roughly pushed him into the wall. Again.

"Here! Take it from him! Hurry before he makes something explode again!" Someone said, Seokjin Harry thought, and then Harry felt a wand press against free hand.


	6. Help Harry

 

"What?"

Harry turned around just in time to see Levi and Eren walk into the room. They sat down on the bed next to the sleeping Yoongi and Hoseok in their Slytherin and Gryffindor robes, Eren's shoulders looking broad with Taehyung's jacket underneath.

Armin, Mikasa, Jean and Hanji stood next to the bed, Mikasa glaring at Wormtail, Jean glaring at Eren, Armin darting his eyes nervously around the room, Hanji clapping her hands and jumping on the spot as she manically stared at Eren and Levi who gave her the finger time after time.

"Just take it!" Jin begged, still pressing the wand into Harry's hand.

Harry's eyes were watering from the smoke, and his skin started to scratch. He wondered if any poisonous potions had exploded.

"What are you staring at Black Beauty?" Eren asked Jean from the bed. "All your staring will burn a hole in this robe."

Jean started muttering and Harry looked away again.

"He found this wand laying around on the floor and then he swung it around and then the office exploded!" Jin explained to Harry with hurry. Next to him stood Namjoon, his hair standing out in odd angles, his expression shocked. He was covered in black dust and smoke.

"Is he a wizard?" Harry asked, nodding at Namjoon.

"No," Jin answered for him. "Or are you?" He asked Namjoon. He shook his head, looked too baffled to answer.

"I knew it!" Malfoy exclaimed, running up to Harry, elbowing him on the way. "Mudbloods! They're everywhere! Now, how did you break into Professor Snape's office?" He pressed the tip of his wand to Jin's chin. Immediately Sirius and James were there, aiming their wands at Malfoy in return.

"What do you think you're doing, Malfoy?" Sirius warned.

"Yeah? As father as son." James spat. "Lower your wand or face a fate as ugly forever."

"Wait. He already is, though?" Sirius told James, sharing one of their wicked smiles.

"Mikasa! I love you!" Wormtail announced from somewhere in the room, cutting through the strained silence around Malfoy, James and Sirius.

"Eren. Is rat-boy over there talking to me?" Mikasa asked Eren in a hurried whisper.

"Who cares about him? Why does he get all attention? Why don't you talk to me instead?" Jean suggested Mikasa who ignored him.

"Could you get off the bed? Please?" Taehyung asked them, trying to kick them all off the bed.

"Yeah? Tae Tae and I were here first. Literally." Jungkook filled in, helping Taehyung kick Eren, Levi and Hoseok off the bed. They didn't dare kick Yoongi so they let him lay there, still snoozing in the commotion.

Jimin jumped off the bed and ran over to join Sirius and James who were protecting Jin from Malfoy.

"Leave Jin-hyung alone." Jimin demanded determinedly. But Malfoy didn't budge.

"Blood traitors." Malfoy spat, glaring first at Sirius, then at James. "You just wait until my father-" He was interrupted when he lifted from the ground to hang upside down in the air by his ankles. "Ah! Get me down right now, Potter!" He shouted. "Professor Snape is going to punish you _so bad_!"

"Did you say Potter? Are you talking to me?" James asked him, cupping his ears. "I can't speak idiot-language, sorry!"

Sirius high fived James, and then they high fived Jin and Jimin, and Namjoon and even thanked him for having totally wrecked Snape's office.

"Who wants to help us wreck old, stinking, greasy Snivellus' bedroom now?" James asked the crowded room. When all they got was silence Sirius walked up to Lupin and nudged his shoulder with a shit eating grin. "Moony? You want to help us? Aw, I knew I could count on you."

Lupin wasn't smiling. He started looking grimly serious.

"Sirius, you need to stop calling me Moony right now or people might get suspicious." He said, and Harry wondered if Lupin was under the impression that no one heard them, because in reality all eyes were on them now.

"Potter! Let me down! I swear-" Malfoy shouted from the ceiling where he was hanging upside down. "Just you wait-!"

"Can someone shut him up?" Jin asked no one in particular.

"There's probably a spell for that but it's probably above our year." James concluded, looking like he liked listening to Malfoy's complains. He looked at Harry. "But now, handsome mate, do you by any chance have any siblings? A sister maybe…? Single sister?" He winked.

Sirius hurled. "Yuck! A sister?" He joked. "I can't believe y-" Lupin elbowed him hard, silenced him up.

Snape's bedroom was silent for a couple of seconds, save from Malfoy's loud complains. He accidentally dropped his wand, and Harry picked it up from the floor before Namjoon could get his hands on it.

"Okay, so who wants to help me restore the office now?" Harry asked the floor, thinking that Malfoy couldn't help him, that Sirius and James were busy fooling around and that Lupin was busy keeping them in check. And yes, he knew that Wormtail was still present but he didn't count since he was a rat. If that made any sense. It probably didn't.

"No one?" Harry asked with an awkward cough.

"I'd like to help if I can?" Namjoon spoke up. He tried to brush the black dust off his clothes but ended up smearing it out everywhere instead.

"No, I think it's best if you stay here Joonie." Jin suggested him.

Harry looked at Jimin and saw him take off for the bed again, looked at James and Sirius who suddenly were indulged in a rapid whispering discussion.

"Professor Lupin? Could you help me, please?" Harry asked Lupin as a last choice. He looked bothered again.

"Don't call me Professor..." He whined, uncomfortably changing foot.

"I think it's hot!" Sirius shared with them.

"Are you calling Moony hot again? Seriously?" James asked, sounding irritated.

"I'm always Sirius." Sirius joked. James and Lupin groaned at the overused joke.

"I mean it." James said.

Sirius gave him a light push. "Come on. As if you haven't called Evans 'hot' a million times. At least I'm speaking the truth."

James gasped dramatically. "Sorry? Are you speaking the truth? Have you even seen Evans!?"

"Yeah, I've seen her alright. She looks like a, uh, what's the word..."

"Angel? Goddess? Supermodel?"

"Did someone say model?" Jungkook asked from the bed.

"We have the most handsome man of 2017 here!" Jin said, pointing at Taehyung. Or Harry thought so. He was too busy keeping a safe distance to the now wrestling Sirius and James to really see where Jin was pointing.

"Like a troll!" Sirius laughed. "Evans looks like one of those trolls that lives in the mountains!"

Harry was offended. Wasn't it his mother that Sirius was talking about?

"No, she doesn't! But her sister looks like a horse!" James shouted back.

"Jean too!" Eren shouted at them.

"And Potter!" Malfoy laughed haughtily from the ceiling. "Have you seen his face? A disaster!"

Malfoy probably wanted people to laugh with him, but his remark only turned the room silent again.

"Lad. What are you talking about? He's handsome as hell. He looks like me." James argued.

"But you on the other hand..." Sirius said thoughtfully, squinting at Malfoy who still hanged from the ceiling. His face had gone red. "Look like a slimy, Slytherin, snake!"

"Snake!?" Hoseok shrieked from the bed.

"Not a real snake-" Jimin tried to calm him.

"GRYFFINDOR!" Wormtail suddenly bellowed, raising his fist in the air. He shook Lupin's hand off his neck and rushed to the middle of the bedroom. "Gryffindor! Gryffindor!" He chanted.

James high fived him. "That's the spirit, Wormy! Gryffindor!" He joined in. Namjoon walked up to them with his hand raised, but sadly he didn't receive a high five. Sulking, he walked back to Jin.

Sirius joined in the group in the middle of the floor, patted Wormtail on the back. "Gryffindor! Gryffindor!"

"No! Slytherin! Slytherin!" Malfoy shouted back. "Slytherin is the best house!"

"Who said Slytherin?" Yoongi asked from the bed, waking up from his nap.

"How so? Are you a snake as well, huh?" Sirius asked on the defense. Lupin made him stop picking fights with a look. Or more like for a second or so. Then Sirius joined James and Wormtail's Gryffindor shouts again.

"Jungkook, get over here. House meeting." Yoongi told Jungkook.

"What?" Jungkook asked in confusion.

"Yeah, we Slytherins need to stay together." Yoongi shrugged.

"I'm fine over here, thanks." Jungkook mumbled before he hid himself behind Taehyung who looked happy even though he had no idea of where they were and the bedroom now was filled with so much black smoke that everything had gone gray.

"Yeah well, never mind. Just remembered that Jimin was my house mate." Yoongi nodded to himself. "Jimin, get over here."

"Okay, I need to bring you back now." Harry mumbled to himself. He needed help though. But from who? He could talk to the real Lupin through the floo network, or maybe even Mrs. Weasley…but no. He had no idea of how to explain this. But perhaps he could ask one of the teachers? Hagrid wouldn't judge him no matter what he told him.

He should go and find Hagrid then. But there was only one slight problem, or two actually. 1. Hagrid had no (legal) wand. And 2. Harry couldn't leave the office in fear of walking into Snape to receive the punishment of a lifetime.

He could already see the headlines of the Daily Prophet reading _'Harry Potter, 12, expelled from Hogwarts in the middle of the Triwizard tournament, haunted by the ghost of his past...'_

Harry shook his head. That might even be worse than cleaning cauldrons for hours with Snape as only company.

He told himself to be brave, to be a Gryffindor, before he walked back into Snape's smoke filled and destroyed office. When he started coughing he ran back into the bedroom.

"Um, everyone?" He asked, not sure what he was doing but going along with it. When all heads turned to him he cleared his throat, wondering how to best ask them to go back to the future.

"How did you all end up here? I mean, is there any connection between you all?" He asked instead.

"Kookie and I were searching for a good hiding spot to kiss, and ended up in Yoongi-hyung's closet. Didn't we tell you that?" Taehyung informed him.

"What were you doing in _my_ closet?" Yoongi frowned.

"Hiding." Jungkook answered for Taehyung.

"From what?"

"You?" Taehyung shrugged.

"Why were you hiding from me in my closet?" Yoongi sounded annoyed. Taehyung and Jungkook shrugged and went back to cuddling on Snape's bed.

"Eren and Levi were hiding as well!" Hanji told them next, looking about to giggle or scream out of excitement. "They don't know that I know!" She exclaimed, earning her a death glare from Levi.

"How about you then?" Harry asked the marauders, mostly Lupin and Sirius since they had apparently been a 'thing' back in the day. Maybe they were still...

"We wanted to try out a new spell!" James explained with a proud smile.

"Right." Harry said, reminding himself of what Lupin had told him earlier. "So... no hiding spots?"

"Well, we tried to find a good hiding spot. We were all crowded under the cloak." James shrugged. Then he looked confused. "Which reminds me... Has anyone seen an invisibility cloak laying around? I think I lost it."

"How are we supposed to find an _invisible_ cloak, tosser?" Sirius huffed.

James gaped. "What did you call me, you git?"

"Calling me a git?" Sirius asked.

Harry made a face. Lupin too. It looked like Sirius and James were about to start wrestling again, but then they both laughed, hugged and called each other 'bro'.

"What just happened?" Jin asked.

"I don't know, but it looked weird." Namjoon spoke up, still trying to wipe dust from his clothes.

Harry decided that it was time to find Hagrid again. Armed with his wand, he cast a _Lumos_ before he entered Snape's office again. Inside, it looked like most of the potions, jar's and most of Snape's working desk had exploded. Harry mentally groaned. He would get the blame for this.

He ran out of the office and into the classroom where Parkinson still lay unconscious on the floor. With the newly learned _Accio_ spell, Harry meant to move her skirt back down to cover her panties, but ended up making them fly off her instead, hit him on his chest.

Harry made a sound of surprise and jumped away from the skirt that lay neglected on the floor in front of him. He looked at Parkinson. This was bad. He hoped Hagrid would be able to help him.

He walked to the classroom door and pressed his ear against it, listened for sounds of footsteps or people approaching. Then he reminded himself of the Marauder's Map and checked it for footsteps. He gaped when he saw the names _Hermione Granger_ and _Ronald Weasley_ move towards him. He quickly tucked the map back into his pocket and opened the door with _Alohomora_.

"I'm brave." He told himself before he opened the door. Opening it, he saw Ron come running towards him in the corridor, Hermione running close behind.

"Harry! I heard an explosion!" Ron panted. "The entire school did, in fact!" He went on. "I think Dumbledore and McGonagall and the whole lot are on their way over here right now! _Wicked_!"

"Wicked? It's not 'wicked', Ron! It's horrible?" Hermione scolded him from behind. Her hair bounced around her head with every step she took. "We might get into trouble! We might get killed! Or worse, expelled!"

Ron snorted. "Killed? From what?"

Harry cleared his throat. He glanced back at Parkinson over his shoulder before he looked back at Ron and Hermione who slowed down to a stop in front of him.

"Harry? What is this-, this smoke?" Hermione asked with alarm. "And what's that smell?"

"It's just me. I didn't have time to shower." Ron concluded.

"Ew!" Hermione scolded him with a slap to his arm.

"Ow, what did you do that for?" Rom complained. He gave Harry a funny look. "Girls... I'm telling you…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione demanded with another slap to Ron's arm.

"Ow, can you stop slapping me already?" Ron complained.

"We don't have time for this. Help me." Harry heard himself beg. He looked past Ron in the corridor and saw Filch appear around the corner.

"Shit!" He cursed. He dragged Hermione and Ron into the classroom before he locked the door with all spells he knew.

"Merlin! Who's that?" Ron asked, staring at Parkinson.

"Harry! Explain yourself!" Hermione said as she helped Parkinson dress herself with a spell.

"I'd like to, but I'm sorry, I can't. I was in time for Snape's detention but then all of these people showed up, and now I have to send them back before Snape finds out about me and, uh, expels me, or something." Harry explained.

"People? What people?" Hermione asked, her forehead creased.

"Yeah, and are they all skirt less?" Ron chuckled.

Hermione slapped his arm again. "I can't believe you!"

"I don't have time for this." Harry repeated. And then he heard loud voiced reach them from behind. He looked over his shoulder and saw Sirius, James, Wormtail, Lupin, Hoseok, Yoongi, Jimin, Seokjin and Namjoon rush out of the office with their hands cupping their noses. Save from Yoongi. He was already wearing a mouth mask.

"Who are you!" Hermione gasped.

"Who are you?" Jin asked curiously.

Yoongi took something from his pocket that he started tapping on. "Ah, damn it. It's dead." He muttered.

"What's dead?" Hoseok asked curiously, James and Wormtail peeking over their shoulders.

"What's that?" James asked. Ron walked over to them but visibly jumped when he recognized James.

"Harry! It's your dad!" He gasped, pointing at James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am Ron Weasley
> 
> det va ron


	7. The Happy Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm slytherin ron weasley
> 
> borr is harry

"What!?" Lupin piped from somewhere. James hadn't heard them though. He was busy nicking Yoongi's square-shaped-shiny-thing from him, turn it over in his hand and hold it on an arm's length from Wormtail who reached for it.

"Wait! I know what that is!" Ron exclaimed. "It's a fellytone!"

Yoongi looked at Ron as if he was stupid. "No, it's a cellphone."

"That's what I said?" Ron huffed. "Didn't you hear…?"

"You called it a fellytone though, Ron." Harry had to admit.

"No? Harry, I said cellphone?" Ron countered.

"Can you stop bickering about that?" Hermione scolded Ron.

"He started." Ron pointed at Yoongi.

"What?" Yoongi scowled at Ron.

Ron brought his wand from his pocket. "Don't try me mate. I've got a wand."

"Don't threaten him?" Hermione was about to hit Ron's arm again but he stepped away, making her hit Wormtail instead.

"Bloody hell Hermione! Isn't that Wormtail!" Ron gasped, aiming his wand at Wormtail who showed his teeth like a rat.

"Who are you?" Lupin asked them.

"Professor Lupin!?" Ron gasped, lowering his wand. "Sorry, I didn't mean to aim my wand at you Professor."

Harry broke out in a nervous sweat. Ron was messing up everything by talking about the future like this. Why couldn't he be silent?

"You can relax Professor. We're going to fix this." Hermione calmed Lupin. She turned to Harry. "How will we fix this?" She hissed, looking desperate.

"Hagrid." Harry told her.

"What?"

"Were you planning on calling someone?" Namjoon asked Yoongi, his voice loud, ignoring the commotion around them as best as he could.

"I was planning on calling our manager." Yoongi shrugged.

"What do we do now?" Hoseok pouted.

"Sleep?" Yoongi suggested.

"Wreck the classroom?" Sirius spoke up.

"Hell yeah!" James cheered.

"What!?" Hermione and Lupin said in panic. "No!"

"Help me?" Harry pleaded. All eyes turned to him and he grimaced. The room was full of people but he had no idea of what to do.

Then a set of loud knocks reached them from the classroom door.

Harry felt his heart jump. He remembered who he'd seen at the end of the corridor.

"Filch."

"What?" James asked "Is nasty, old Filch here? Where!"

"Yeah? We wanna prank him!" Sirius said.

"No, we'll have none of that." Lupin tried to calm them. It was easier said than done though since James and Sirius jumped up on the tables and started casting spells all around the classroom on their way to the door to hex Filch. Lupin jumped up on the tables and chased after them, practically growling.

Within a minute the walls were decorated with the texts _Slytherin stinks Gryffindor wins, Snivellus is a greasy git_!, and _Take a bath!_

"Help me." Harry repeated, mostly to himself this time. He startled when he felt a hand come down on his shoulder.

"How do I help you?" Namjoon asked with an excusing smile.

"He didn't mean you. He meant me." Jin said confidently, putting a hand on Harry's other shoulder.

"No, I think he meant me. I'm his best friend." Ron said, putting a hand on Harry's arm.

"I didn't mean any of you. I meant Hagrid." Harry explained. He shook their hands off him and rushed back into the smoke filled office. On the way he ran into something solid and fell to the floor.

"Help! Someone attacked me!"

Malfoy. Harry had forgotten about him.

"Get off me Malfoy." Harry before he detangled himself from him in the smoke. How had Malfoy gotten down from the ceiling in the first place?

"Very funny Potter." Malfoy drawled. Harry 'accidentally' slapped the top of his head as he got back up.

"Harry? Are you in here?"

Harry made a face when Ron's voice met his ears. Why was he here? Why couldn't he stay in the classroom with the others?

"Wait... that sounded like blood traitor Weasel!" Malfoy hissed. "Is he here as well? Where is he!"

"No, he's not. Shut up Malfoy." Harry answered tiredly.

"Malfoy!?" Ron gasped.

"Hurry! Filch is at the door!" A new voice claimed. It was Wormtail. "Hide! Quickly!"

Harry suppressed the need to hex Wormtail really bad for his need to hide instead of helping his friends, or friend, Lupin to be exact, in the other room.

"Ron? Harry?" Hermione asked as she fumbled around into the dark office after Ron. "What in the world happened in here!"

Malfoy gasped.

"Granger? What is that filthy mudblood doing in here!" He spat. And then Harry snapped. He quickly removed his tie, formed it into a ball and pressed it into Malfoy's mouth, shutting him up for real this time.  

"Mmmhhy fffaatthmm...!" Malfoy made muffled sounds of anger underneath him. Harry forced himself to get up from Malfoy without hexing his nose really big.

"Bloody hell, Harry!" Ron said admirably. He lit his wand and pointed it at Malfoy who threw a tantrum on the floor.

"Harry!" Hermione tried to scold him. Harry ignored her.

He ran back into the bedroom where he got Eren, Levi, Armin, Mikasa, Hanji, Jungkook and Taehyung to obediently, or not so obediently, follow him back into Snape's office.

James, Sirius and Lupin ran into the room as well, Sirius looking like a scolded puppy, James looking ready to hex someone really bad.

"Filch has almost opened the door now." Lupin informed them.

"We think that McGogo, Snivellus and Dumbles are on their way as well." Sirius added. "O-or I mean, McGonagall, stinking Snape and Dumbledore." He corrected himself when Lupin shot him a pointed look.

"Okay." Harry said. He had no idea of what to do. What would Snape do when he saw all of these strangers sanding in his, just for the record, severely damaged office?

Then he got an idea.

"Wait. Do you think we could repair this if we all use our powers together?" He asked mostly James who was eyeing up and down suspiciously.

"You really do look familiar..." James mumbled. Harry swallowed nervously. He turned to Sirius instead who was carding through his hair with his fingers.

"Why should we repair it though? This is what Snivellus deserves." Sirius stated.

"Do you want Harry to get expelled, Sirius?" Hermione spoke up.

"Sorry? Did you just call me Sirius? Do I know you?"

Hermione opened her mouth to answer but closed it again when Lupin shook his head at her quite desperately.

"Can we try? The wizards in here?" Harry asked then, bringing them back to the topic, raising his and Malfoy's wands in the air.

"Potter! Give me back my wand!" Malfoy demanded from the floor where he must have spit out Harry's tie.

"On three? Reparo?" James checked. Harry nodded, and then he counted to three.

Harry, Hermione, Ron, Lupin, James, Sirius, and Wormtail from his hiding spot behind Hoseok cast a _Reparo_ together. And believe it or not, but within a couple of seconds the office was back to normal. The broken jars were put together, the candles returned to the candelabras, and the black smoke faded out into nothing.

"I told you to believe in magic!" Hoseok exclaimed cheerfully from next to Harry.

"You don't believe in magic, you muggle?" Malfoy asked quite incredulously. Hoseok pretended not to hear him.

"Uhm, Mudblood over there. Hand me my robe back now." Malfoy pointed at Eren who pretended not to hear him as well.

"Are we playing pretend-that-Malfoy-isn't-here?" Jimin asked Harry who shrugged.

"Okay. Ron, Hermione, could you made sure that the bedroom looks normal as well, please?" Harry asked them. He turned to Lupin. "And could you please remove the text from the walls in the classroom?"

Lupin nodded. "It's already taken care of. I'll make sure they won't do it again."

Harry turned to Jin. "Could you please keep an eye on Namjoon? I don't want him to explode the office again."

Jin waved a hand in the air dismissively. "Of course!"

Harry walked to the painting that they had all stumbled out from and found that he could swing it to the side. Behind it was a secret, narrow tunnel that Harry hadn't known of before. He wondered why Snape had a secret tunnel in his office.

"Okay... who wants to test to go back?" Harry asked. Suddenly everyone looked away. "No one?"

Levi muttered something to Eren who chuckled into his ear. Levi smirked at him and Harry wondered if he should look somewhere else.

Levi stripped out of Harry's robe and gave it back to him.

"Holy Salazar Slytherin!" Malfoy gasped. "You're naked!"

"No shit." Levi answered. He helped Eren out of Malfoy's robe that they threw at him, made it land on the top of his head, also made him shriek about it being soiled by Eren's naked butt.

"Thank you for letting me borrow your jacket." Eren told Taehyung as he gave it back to him.

"No problem. It fits you." Taehyung answered with a giggly laugh.

"See you around!" Eren greeted Taehyung and Jungkook who greeted him back, not commenting on the fact that he was naked. And then Eren and Levi stepped into the tunnel at the back of the painting and hand in hand started walking away.

"What just happened?" Yoongi asked in confusion.

"I think that Levi thinks that I think that they're not going to fuck!" Hanji exclaimed with a clap of her hands. "Bye folks! Don't miss me too much!" She said dramatically before she swiped the painting to the side and stepped inside as well, Mikasa quickly joining her, and Armin, and finally a reluctant Jean. Levi and Eren had already disappeared from the tunnel. Harry hoped that they had returned to their world. He wondered what kind of weird magic this was. He also wondered if Snape knew about this panting at all.

"Who were they?" Taehyung asked when they had closed the painting again.

"I have no idea. Where's Shiganshina?" Jungkook asked.

"On earth?" Taehyung supplied.

"Don't know." Jungkook shrugged, and then he and Taehyung did some sort of super complicated handshake in which they jumped around and did moves Harry had no good words for.

Then they started kissing again.

"Potter! Why is it so dark!" Malfoy demanded from the floor, trying to throw the robe off his head. Harry left him there and turned to Lupin instead.

"Sir, I think it's best if you return to the seventies now." Harry told him, surprising himself by the fact that he didn't particularly want them to leave yet. He thought it would be fun for Fred and George to meet the Marauders. And he wanted to tell James all about his Quidditch success, the Triwizard tournament and, just, basically everything about himself.

But he shouldn't. You shouldn't mess with the future, or the past. He had to trust Lupin on that.

"Mate." Lupin corrected. "I agree." He forced a smile at Harry.

"Good luck." Harry heard himself say, forcing himself not to think about you-know-who. "Have fun."

"Thanks lad!" James thanked him with a hand on his shoulder. Harry looked him in the eyes. James squinted at him.

"Your eyes... they look familiar, don't you think so, Pads?" James asked Sirius over his shoulder.

"Yeah? They look like Evans." He said thoughtfully, squinting at Harry as well.

"Wait a minute..." James said. "Didn't Malfoy call you Potter before?" He gasped, putting one and one together.

"Oh, look at the time! Best we leave now, ha ha!" Lupin laughed stiffly, pulling Sirius and James towards the painting. "Peter, I mean you too." He told Wormtail who was gaping at them too.

"I can obliviate them later. Don't worry about that." Lupin told Harry, trying to calm him, ending up inhaling sharply himself when he realized that he'd just told Harry that he was about to perform dark magic.

"Or I won't. I won't. Please forget about that or I'll have to obliviate you as well." Lupin said before he stopped himself again. Harry watched in confusion, wondered what was going on and if he should feel afraid or not.

"Sorry?" Jin asked over Harry's shoulder.

"Nothing!" Lupin tried to cover up his slip up. "We'll be leaving now. Good bye. Take care in the future." He said, looking worried. Harry thought Remus Lupin suddenly looked as old as Professor Lupin.

"Farewell, friends!" James said dramatically, very much like Hanji had moments ago, waving his hand at them. Jimin and Hoseok answered their waves.

Lupin swung the panting open, closed it when they had all stepped inside. He shared a knowing smile with Harry before it swung shut, and Harry wondered if Lupin had figured out more about the future than he'd let Harry know.  

"So! The bedroom is back to normal." Hermione said with a clap of her hands as she walked back into the office.

"How can you be so sure of that? Have you been there before or something?" Ron asked her, looking disgusted.

"No, I haven't?"

"How did you know then?" Ron went on.

"Stop arguing about everything." Hermione suggested him.

"I'm only asking a simple question? Have you been here before or not?"

Harry tuned out Ron and Hermione's bickering as he walked over to the painting and held it open for Jin and Namjoon who stepped inside.

"You're a hero Harry." Namjoon hurried to tell him. "And a lizard."

"Thanks...?" Harry had no idea of what he was talking about. He didn't consider himself a hero. And certainly not a lizard. Last time he'd checked he'd been a wizard.

"We'll be going back to 2017 now. When you get there go to Youtube and search for a band called 'BTS'!" Jin told Harry.

"Youtube?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Or Naver, or VLIVE, or anything is fine. Just make sure to listen to us." Jin blew him a kiss. Harry looked over his shoulder, wondering who Jin was telling all of these weird words to.  

Then Jimin, Hoseok and Yoongi joined Jin and Namjoon behind the painting.

"You should listen to AgustD as well." Jin continued. "And to Hixtape when it comes out."

"It's soon." Hoseok said mysteriously. "Very soon..."

"Okay." Harry said, feeling dumb. Perhaps it would be best to let them talk.

"Tae Tae, we have to leave now!" Jimin told Taehyung and Jungkook who finally broke apart and stepped into the tunnel with the rest.

"The next time, don't hide in my closet." Yoongi told them.

"I didn't know that your closet led to Narnia?" Taehyung said in wonder.

"It doesn't. It apparently leads into Snape's office." Yoongi answered.

"So you do know who Snape is?" Harry asked in shock. Had they lied to him?

"Who doesn't?" Namjoon filled in.

"Everyone knows of Hogwarts! Wingardium Leviosa!" Jin scoffed, waving a finger in the air.

"That's not the right way to do it. You're supposed to swish and flick." Hermione barged in.

"Know-it-all." Ron coughed.

"Sorry?"

"Right." Harry interrupted Ron and Hermione. He was finally starting to relax now that he could put an end to this catastrophe of an evening.

"Well then, goodbye."

"Bye!" Hoseok answered with a bright smile. He was waving.

"Bye bye!" Jimin joined in, Namjoon, Jin, Taehyung and Jungkook as well. Yoongi nodded at them.

"Thanks for helping us get back!" Jungkook told Harry, and then the panting swung shut and Harry couldn't see them anymore.

He waited a couple of seconds before he swung it open again, saw that they were gone.

"What kind of strange magic is this?" Hermione asked in wonder. It was only she, Ron, Malfoy, Parkinson and Harry left in the office now.

"I have to burn this now." Malfoy spat as he finally managed to throw the robe off his head. He walked over to Snape's fireplace where he threw the robe into the flames. He muttered about filth and dirty blood and house elves. Harry took a step back. Hermione and Ron did the same.

Then Harry heard a knock from the classroom door echo around them. Not knowing what else to do, he took out his invisibility cloak and draped it over Ron and Hermione, thinking that he didn't want them to get punished as well.

He walked into the classroom, crouched down next to Parkinson, wondered what to do with her.

Then he thought of a plan.

What if he carried Parkinson on his back to the infirmary? Then he could make up a story that he'd walked into her in the corridor, and that he was late for Snape's detention since he had to help her. If it worked he might even gain points for his house...

"Potter! Where did that mudblood and Weasel go!?" Malfoy shouted. Harry ignored him, made shushing gestured in the direction where he thought Ron and Hermione stood, and lifted Parkinson up bridal style.

Suddenly, Malfoy was standing next to him.

"Potter, _what_ do you think you're doing!?"

"Being a hero." Harry answered with a roll of his eyes.

"Not a very good hero, according to me. I've been hanging upside down in the ceiling, got my robe soiled and now burned."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "You did the last thing yourself."

"So?" Malfoy put his hands on his hips. "You're going to pay for this. I'm going to tell them what happened and you'll get expelled. Yeah, expelled. How about that, huh?"

Harry felt anger flare up inside him again. Ignore him, ignore him, he told himself repeatedly in his head.

"Unless..." Malfoy said then, his tone changed. He didn't sound mocking anymore. Now he just sounded smug.

"Unless what?"

"Unless you'll be my slave for a day. Then I won't tell." Malfoy raised his chin in the air proudly. "Slave Potter. That's you now."

"Uh, no?"

Was Malfoy serious?

"Slave for tonight then." Malfoy said.

"No?"

Harry heard Ron mutter something under the cloak. Harry wordlessly willed him to stay silent under there.

"Slave until we leave the classroom."

"No?"

"Yes! You will be my slave now!" Malfoy said angrily.

"No?" Harry repeated. Why was Malfoy so stuck on making him his slave?

"House elf then. You shall be my house elf."

"No? And what's the difference?"

Malfoy looked like this wasn't the answer he'd hoped for. His left eyebrow twitched and his forehead creased.

"Potter..." He started, speaking through gritted teeth.

"N. O." Harry told him.

"Let me finish?"

"No?"

Malfoy gritted his teeth, looked angry. Harry was about to turn his back towards him and ignore his annoying voice for the rest of the evening, or the rest of his life preferably, when suddenly he felt his cheeks being cupped, and a pair of lips press against his own.

Hermione gasped and Ron shouted a 'Bloody hell!' under the cloak.

Harry tried to move away but Malfoy didn't allow him. Instead he held Harry in place, even with Parkinson in between them in an awkward angle, until Harry unintentionally started kissing him back, thinking that it was the only way to make Malfoy let him go. Because he wanted Malfoy to let him go. He totally didn't like to kiss him. Even though he sort of smelled very good up close.

"Harry! What are you doing!?" Hermione hissed at them under the cloak. And then Malfoy backed away, slammed a hand over his mouth, looked shocked over his own boldness.

"Potter!" He gasped. "Why did you kiss me!?"

Harry gaped. "Why did I kiss _you_? You kissed _me_!"

Malfoy shook his head. His cheeks were tinted pink and he kept his eyes to the floor. "Unbelievable..." He mumbled. "Wait until my father-, or wait,"

Harry shook his head and resumed to carrying Parkinson to the door. He didn't know why Malfoy had kissed him. He didn't know why he didn't feel disgusted over the fact that he had, but one thing was for sure, and it was that he was probably two hours late to Snape's detention now. He was in deep trouble.

He opened the classroom door and peeked outside. He calmed down a notch when he saw that the corridor was empty and free from Filch.

With Ron and Hermione in tow, he thought, he checked the Marauder's Map for good corridors to take on their way to the hospital wing. They left Malfoy in the classroom. Though, Harry wasn't afraid of him telling on them now. That kiss seemed to have shut him up.

When he reached the hospital wing he scolded his face to look sad and in hurry as he told Madame Pomfrey that he'd found Parkinson unconscious in the corridor. Pomfrey bought his act and handed him a note that he could hand over to Snape as proof that he'd been in the hospital wing.

When Harry rushed back down to Snape's office he felt his stomach sink. Snape was there now. But not only him. He was with McGonagall, Filch and Dumbledore. Or half the school was there actually. Save from Malfoy. He was probably hiding somewhere.

McGonagall shot Harry a sharp look but spoke for him as he showed them the note he'd got from Pomfrey. Harry's clothes were dirty, his glasses broken and his hair full of black smoke, but Dumbledore pretended not to see it, and McGonagall too.

In the end they decided that Harry would get to carry out his detention with Snape the day after. And maybe that was for the best. For now Harry would talk some more shit about Snape with Ron, like he was doing right now with Ron and Hermione walking next to him under the invisibility cloak. And he would postpone his Transfigurations essay as well. He could always copy Hermione's ten during lunch after all.

As they headed back to Gryffindor Tower, Harry told Ron and Hermione about the strange happening in Snape's office from beginning to end. He still thought it was weird how Taehyung and Jungkook had appeared there in the first place, but yet again, anything was better than cleaning cauldrons with Snape.

Because Harry hated Snape. He really did. He despised him.

But he didn't quite hate Malfoy...

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I had more fun writing this than you had reading it Borr, lmao!!
> 
> snivellus stinks, the marauders wins okurr, you heard it here first!
> 
> happy early b-day borr!! 
> 
> If you liked this fic please DOWNLOAD IT! I might delete it later


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